Missing Everything
A couple of night's ago, as Karl and I were lying on the sofa mentally high-fiving ourselves for another successful day in the parenthood, we were interrupted by the inconsolable wails of our three year old daughter from her bedroom. He thought she was singing, I thought she was laughing. Either way we were going in there because this child was supposed to be asleep. Hours ago. But no, she was red in the face, damp from snot and tears, and hugging her teddy so tightly. For the first time in this entire expat journey she was expressing emotions. Through the cries she was spluttering about missing Bonnie, Reggie, Ruby and - in a typically dramatic Clara way - EVERYTHING. Please note that Bonnie is a cat and Reggie and Ruby are dogs, but you know, important to her... And wow, holding my little girl in my arms as she struggled to catch her breath from crying so intensely was an absolute gut punch. I'd gone through that emotional rollercoaster with Finn months ago already, but it's taken all this time for our new life to sink in with Clara. And when the emotional floodgates opened, boy did they open...
But it got me thinking, I sort of know how she feels sometimes. It's the drip effect of homesickness. For her, what started with missing the enthusiastic kisses from our favourite little pup-dog quickly became an overwhelming hit of missing everything. And I miss everything too sometimes. The difference is that I'm a grown woman and can rationalise those feelings a lot easier than a three year old can, I think anyway. So what does everything even mean? She's only three and is only just developing emotional awareness beyond her little world of Clara, Mama, Dada and Finn. What is everything outside of the bubble she lives in? Apart from beloved family pets that is. I'll take a wild guess that everything, apart from people (which is obvious), goes something like this*:
- Chocolate that isn't rock solid from being stored in the fridge
- Welly boot clad muddy puddle jumping
- Picnic boxes from the cafe in Morrisons
- Proper sausages
- Being spoiled by extended family members
- Clambering into Mama and Dada's bed because it's cold
- Cheap wine (ok no, but she's sympathetic to my needs)
- Feeding the ducks
- Long car journeys with a Disney soundtrack
- In the Night Garden
- Saturday afternoon's at the rugby club
- Water from the cold tap being really, truly cold
- Wearing trousers
- Not waking up in a sweat
- Tiger (the cheap and cheerful store, not the animal or the beer, we have plenty of the beer here...)
- Getting a lump of cheese from the nice lady at the deli counter
- Having a playroom to trash
- Breakfast parties at Sam's house
- Swings
- Softplay that doesn't cost a fortune
- Long Summer evenings at the beach
- Fish and Chips in the car looking out over Plymouth Sound
- The squirrel forest
- Buttery crumpets in Booths cafe
- Ferry adventures to Ireland and France
- Wednesday evenings spent tagging along to Brownies with Mama
- Toby Carvery
- Nana's special brekkie
- Freshly cut flowers in the kitchen
- Pom-Bears
- Camping with Joshie and Oscar
- Long walks around the grounds of Saltram House
- Gloucester Services (off the M5)
- Cedar Farm trips to feed the animals
- Hopping on the train to London to see Becky, Ali and the dinosaurs
- A fridge full of Lidl goodies
- Shouting "REGGIE" WALKIES!" with absolutely no intention of taking him for a walk but enjoying the reaction
- Old Macdonald picnics in the car (a happy meal)
- Sparkle World magazine
- Clotted cream
- Uncle Patrick's Lego stash
- An afternoon of pick your own strawberries
- Marks and Spencer babyccino's
- Climbing to the top of dog poo hill
- Snuggles in front of the fire after bathtime
- Being able to just phone people (relatives) anytime for a chatter
- Cheap wine (oh I'm sorry, did I mention that already? Well...it is important)
- Being Oma's little sous chef
- Stairs
- Stinky cheese that isn't considered an ASBO offence in a condo block
*please note I definitely did not ask her any of these because, I mean, TEARS FROM A THREE YEAR OLD IS A NO NO. I just sort of guessed.